No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.

It's not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage. I feel more like I'm doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that's a lovely addition.