Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It's much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it.