I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It's much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it.

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.