I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, "Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro!" I don't know if that's the answer for me. "Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?" I don't worship comedy; at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.