Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.

People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.