The average person has one Fallopian tube.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

I think no matter what you do, a certain amount of people are going to call you a sellout, somehow, you know. If I ever start trying to make a living on it.

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

I'm not a grown up until everybody realises I'm a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.