Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.

Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.

Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.

The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

I felt I wasn't getting anywhere in England.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.