Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.

You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.