Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
What do gardeners do when they retire?
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.