My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"