Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.
What do gardeners do when they retire?
You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.