Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.