I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!
Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
What do gardeners do when they retire?
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.