It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!

I got my start in silent radio.

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.