I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!