I got my start in silent radio.

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!