My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.

My favorite Dylan song? I think it's 'Just Like a Woman.' It always makes me cry.

Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?

The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously - accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you're basically working in front of them during what could've been specifically 'quality time.'

There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that's about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don't see another comedian who I put in high regard as him.

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

If you don't wake up every day happy, change something.