My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.

And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your head cut off and... filled with stuffing.

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.

Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will a family do out of desperation.

I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.' I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.

When you have a good time there is no time.