Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.

When you're famous, you're always famous. It doesn't go away.

A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.

My mom just told me it's impossible to know what's going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.

Valuable people are undervalued.

It's a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is - reading the news or speaking to people.

I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.