Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.

Everyone I love I pay.

What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.

Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?

My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.

All I've ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.