I don't like to drink alone 'cause there's nobody to fight with.

A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!

25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.

Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

Some dead people said smart stuff.

Beautiful clear day in Beverly Hills. The sweet smell of Botox is in the air.