I like to approach every day like it's my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.

I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.

I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.

At the end of the day it's the end of the day.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Around comics, I've always been known for, oh, that's not dirty, this is dirty.

Ladies, apologies, but isn't 'vintage' just used stuff?