I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don't want to make fun of people.

If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies?

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.

If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're done.

Words matter. Especially if you're kicking someone's ass in words with friends.

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.