I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.

I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.

I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.' I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.

It think acceptance levels sort of swings back and forth. Like in the 60's there was a lot more freedom with sex that doesn't exist today. Language has gotten pushed a bit farther and violence is way far out.

A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!

I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

I like to approach every day like it's my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.