Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.

My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people.

Most people argue over who's right, not about what the truth is.

Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.

I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.