I have no agenda, nothing to control.

I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought you really loved me.' It's all about how bad people are and I just hate that. I like Pimp my Ride where someone is helping somebody.

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.

My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're done.