I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn't a hard 'r' cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one - she's 12, but very sophisticated so it's an unusual case.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

I will always prefer a hardback book, but I'm drawn to digital because it's so easy to acquire them when I'm having a need-to-read moment.

I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?