I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.

25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.

I love my mom! You can too for $12!

There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that's about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don't see another comedian who I put in high regard as him.