I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.

People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.

One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was No hugs! Full House was all based on hugs.

I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.

I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.