My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.

I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.

There are no I's in we but there are two i's in Wii.

If you're a host of a video show and you're on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, 'Well, that's what that person does.' That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.

If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're done.