My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people.

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.

Beautiful clear day in Beverly Hills. The sweet smell of Botox is in the air.

Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.

Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.

I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.