If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.

My mom just told me it's impossible to know what's going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.

I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.

I don't like to drink alone 'cause there's nobody to fight with.