Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.

Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.

Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don't know how anybody's getting through anything. Right now, people just need to be entertained.

If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies?

I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.