At the end of the day it's the end of the day.

Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.

Found a bunch of old shower caps in my house. Was gonna throw them out but realized they make excellent porta potties for long road trips.

Valuable people are undervalued.

What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.

Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?

If I ever die, I want it to be cause I got hit by a car saving a kid.