The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously - accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you're basically working in front of them during what could've been specifically 'quality time.'

My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.

If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're done.

It think acceptance levels sort of swings back and forth. Like in the 60's there was a lot more freedom with sex that doesn't exist today. Language has gotten pushed a bit farther and violence is way far out.

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.