I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.' I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.

I don't like to drink alone 'cause there's nobody to fight with.

My mom just told me it's impossible to know what's going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.

Most people argue over who's right, not about what the truth is.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.