Ladies, apologies, but isn't 'vintage' just used stuff?

I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.

When you have a good time there is no time.

I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.

And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your head cut off and... filled with stuffing.

I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.