The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.

I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.

Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.

I don't like to drink alone 'cause there's nobody to fight with.

It's a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is - reading the news or speaking to people.

My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.