I'm fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

All I've ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.

Found a bunch of old shower caps in my house. Was gonna throw them out but realized they make excellent porta potties for long road trips.

There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that's about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don't see another comedian who I put in high regard as him.

Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.