I'm fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.

Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don't know how anybody's getting through anything. Right now, people just need to be entertained.

Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.

It's a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is - reading the news or speaking to people.

The secret to raising children is to love them... And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

When you have a good time there is no time.

I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?