I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.

What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.

I don't like to drink alone 'cause there's nobody to fight with.

Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

If you're a host of a video show and you're on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, 'Well, that's what that person does.' That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.