When you're famous, you're always famous. It doesn't go away.

The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.

The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.