When you're famous, you're always famous. It doesn't go away.

I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.

You can talk about things indirectly, but if you want to talk how people really talk, you have to talk R-rated. I mean I've got three incredibly intelligent daughters, but when you get mad, you get mad and you talk like people talk. When a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they're not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it's cable.

Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.

The secret to raising children is to love them... And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?

My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people.