When you're famous, you're always famous. It doesn't go away.

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.

I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.