I will always prefer a hardback book, but I'm drawn to digital because it's so easy to acquire them when I'm having a need-to-read moment.

I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.

My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat.

My mom just told me it's impossible to know what's going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.