I don't cook. I don't know anything about food. I've never reviewed a restaurant.

As part of my research for An Anthology of Authors' Atrocity Stories About Publishers, I conducted a study (employing my usual controls) that showed the average shelf life of a trade book to be somewhere between milk and yoghurt.

Being on a book tour is a lot easier than reporting.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

I suppose that there are endeavors in which self-confidence is even more important than it is in writing -- tightrope walking comes immediately to mind -- but it's difficult for me to think of anybody producing much writing if his confidence is completely shot.

I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent.

If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.