I feel I've always got to keep my stand-up because I never want to lose it.
Animal experiments are no joke. Thank goodness scientists are finding better, more humane ways to develop treatments for cancer and other killer diseases.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.
My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'
Growing up, it was always, 'If you buy kosher meat, they're killed humanely.' But I've seen so many horrible videos. What we thought was humane 100 years ago is not humane anymore. The ways animals suffer, I just couldn't be a part of it anymore.