Dear Santa Claus, just a last note before you take off. I hope you have a nice trip. Don't forget to fasten your seat belt.

I feel kind of depressed today... Do you ever have the feeling that life has passed you by? Worse than that... Sometimes I think life and I are going in opposite directions!

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

Dear IRS, I am writing to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list.

If you can't beat 'em, cooperate 'em to death!

A beep on the nose is a sign of great affection.

The best theology is probably no theology; just love one another.