It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.
Chelsea HandlerMy mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.
Chelsea HandlerThere's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
Chelsea Handler