My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

I think everyone's afraid of public speaking. There have been times where I've come out of my own show and been like, 'Oh, God, what am I doing?' . . . You have to remind yourself that 'OK, I'm kind of a badass. I can handle it.'

Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.

There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can, I think, not only lower your IQ, but really just knock the wind out of you, because we're all here in this business.

I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I love the gays! Everyone needs a good gay man in their life.

I'm actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I'm in the Special Olympics or something.

Reality TV's pretty tricky for me. I don't really watch anything like that, because I think it's brain-sucking.