Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They're the one who picked it out!

But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.

Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.

The whole thing about my books and my life is that I create drama's always around me.

Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there.

When you have a vision, you have to see it through, and you can make anything happen. You really can, especially in this [entertainment ] industry.

My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.