Let's all help each other be a little bit better at being human beings.

You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.

Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.

When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?

It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.

It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.

My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.