You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.

Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.

That just sends the wrong message to everybody. [Donald Trump] should have the least amount of air time.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.

I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.

Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption.