I wanted to be a comedian, I wanted people to laugh at what I was saying, not to be staring at my boobs or wearing a skirt and show off my ... I just didn't think that that was the best way to get taken seriously in that world.

George Clooney and Fabio apparently got into a scuffle at a restaurant in Los Angeles over the weekend. George thought the women with Fabio were taking pictures of him. How embarrassed is George Clooney to be in a fight with Fabio? Who is he going to call out next, Lorenzo Lamas?

I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.

In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.

Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.

I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.

I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.