In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.

For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.

It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

If you judge a person by the company they keep, then I'm retarded.

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.

I'm actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I'm in the Special Olympics or something.

I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.