In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.

No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.

That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.