I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.

You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.

I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.

Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.