A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.

Thanksgiving is coming. I wonder what the holiday will be like at Dog the Bounty Hunter’s house—obviously, they’ll have a turkey with all-white meat.

I think being able to have follow-through, I think a lot of people who are in charge, that is the one quality that you can't forsake. You can get opinions, but you can't have too many cooks in the kitchen when you're envisioning something.

I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.

... some of the best sex I can barely remember.

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

As a woman, we should all stop talking about it and just acknowledge what's happened and act like we own the space, because we do.